It's cold, raining, and I can't get my mind of stuff.

I picked up my phone, browsed through my contacts, called em up. Wait, it doesn't seem right does it? I looked out the window, where am I? 5000 miles away from the people I love dearly. Mere inches away from breaking down all over again. I really really miss you guys...

17th August 2008
I wanted to see my dear peepos before I go so I called em up.Met Qinx, Ke Ling and Amanda at CWP. Ke Ling baked COOKIES!!! Only liked the one with the jam one. Choco wasn't that nice, sowwie! ME and Qinx were munching em all up I LIKES! Then peaked into the plastic bag she brought: Fried rice! She's damn sweet la, so Qinx ate like 99% of it. Well wasn't hungry anyways. The fact that I'm leaving was hanging over me like a friggin disease. Didn't do well for my attitude throughout the day. Then met Aen and Defeng. Qinx keep calling him V-Neck leh. So he was a lil irritated then go talk to me instead xD Barely know the guy but we talk as if we know each other for ages... He's sweet! No really! Well he jokes a lot but he means well. Eventually went to Pastamania to grab a bite. Defeng kept shooting Qinx Apple, lol. Now its stuck to her but kinda fits don't it?

Not too sure where to go,we went to the 4th floor of Civic Centre to slack round. Daz came a while later because of family stuff. Discussed about it then he left with his friend while Ke Ling they all taking picks xD Aen barely knew em but got close pretty quick. Aiya qinx damn friendly de, reminds me of sec-1... BAstard-ing woot! Our personal thing ya?

Daz came later so did Yvonne. Those two... Geez there's a thing called oral communication, quit SMS-ing each other and just talk =. =" We hung out till everyone had to go. I was like veeeeerry close to crying, went away for a sec just to cool down a bit, then came back. Defeng went lor didn't say goodbye. Wait for him near the entrance there still no sign, so Aen and Vonne sent us to MRT, hugged goodbye and left. Was just damn quiet for the train journey la... No mood at all cos I kept on thinking: Withing 24 hours I'm gonna leave. And I'm leaving such awesome friends that sucked. Other personal matters filled my mind so I couldn't sleep for a really good while.

Got home, took a shower, then went out for a midnight walk. Its something I do to get my mind straight. Did a reality check and got my priorities straight. Went home and just crashed on the couch.


18th August 2008
Wanted to see Aen before I met the rest for a private convo but didn't go for it. Came late. Had to get a haircut, bought a bag, etc etc. I was pretty bummed out for not doing so. Ah well, met them at airport anyways.

Daz was being a dick half the time, got me waiting for like an hour when I told him to just head to T3 and meet everyone there at the same time. Geez I wanna spend as much time with them as possible. When they came, just put on a cheery face and talked. Wow, an hour left. That got me down even more. Snapped some pics here and there, then the leaving part came. Tried my best to fight back the tears but I just don't wanna leave. I wanted to dash out of the airport! Screw the already paid for ticket! I just can't bring myself to do it. The hugs goodbye made it worse. As I turned back, tears just streamed down and I was like wtf? Oh c'mon not now... Went through the gate, wave goodbye at em.

I don't know what got into me but as the plane was taxi-ing, I just let it all out. No one could see or hear me. I was looking outside the window and the screaming engines shrouded my silent sobs. Regrets rushed through me as there was nothing I can do. Cried myself to sleep even before the plane took off. I woke up when I arrived in Frankfurt. No dinner no nothing, I was starving but couldn't bring myself to eat anything.

I was assigned this really sweet escort. We talked about stuff, life, etc. She even bought me choco! Yeah, very sweet... Had to leave, said my thanks, boarded the plane to Dublin. Dad picked me up and I was just silent throughout the whole journey, Haven't said a word till now. Just utterly no mood.

I'm just gonna write a lil in response to you guys.

<3<3Xiaoyin: Please don't say such words. You were busy and I understand, thats why I didn't pester you to hang out with me as much as I did with other peeps. That night, I just figured I might talk to you since you recently blogged and thought you were awake, thats all. You were tired. You did not fail as anything, especially being my friend.
It's water under the bridge, no regrets, what's done is done. Heh, trust me, I won't change much next time. Maybe a teency bit taller, thats all. Even if I were to change, it would most probably be for the better so don't sweat it =)

<3<3Qinx/Apple: You are, the coolest person in my books, and also one of my closest (#2) friend, we had so much to say to each other but just didn't have the time to. Life has its suckiest moments but life isn't that all unfair, hidden in those moments there's a blessing that I was thankfull enough to figure it out myself. I hope you do in time.

<3Ke Ling<3: I just find you utterly sweet, like a big sister I wish I had. You're one person I can never get mad at, or will never succeed if I even try.

<3<3Amanda:We don't know each other that much but you're awesome nonetheless, you don't whack me now so thats a nice change xD We should try to fix that next time we meet ya?

Defeng: Can't put any hearts here xD we're guys ya. We only hung out like what? Twice? And we're already close.A very cool and caring person, the only thing in your mind is to help others by giving them the gift of laughter which I readily accept. You remind myself of the old me which I do miss dearly. Joking around endlessly but being serious when I have to.

<3<3<3Aen<3<3<3: Oh aen aen aen... I literally have so much to say to you and utterly disapointed we didn't have enough time to say it the way I'd like to: In person. I can see you have so much stuff going on in your life. But remember what I told you. I really care for you, thats why I worry. If I didn't care, I wouldn't ask in the first place. The fact that I'm in Ireland and I worry isn't an excuse to shut yourself away from me. Aen, I promise to never hurt you ever again. I never thought that I would be the one to hurt you, ever. I'm really glad you came, and those three words you actually said means the world to me. I love you too.

To all: I love you guys, I miss you guys so much it hurts whenever I think about y'all. Even though I'm like 5000 miles away, doesn't mean I can't be there for you.I am and always will, be there for you guys. I may not be there physically but I sure as hell am there in your hearts.

Ugh I can't stop crying right now. As usual my chimness fails me but the meaning is still the same.

Hope to see you guys soon, somehow, somewhere. Who knows where life takes you? Just go with the flow. The flow is not some stereotypical mindset but where your mind, body and soul guides you.

Peace